Commentary #1

For our first commentary I peer reviewed Shastin's classical argument, which was written in response to Nicholas Carr's article, "Is Google Making us Stupid?" I believe that Shastin is in agreement with Carr in that the Internet is having a direct effect on our ability to focus on lengths of text. However, I think that her opinion could have been more clearly stated at the end of the introduction to make the essay more organized. 

The points that Shastin makes in support of her own argument are sound. She uses multiple academic journals to help support her case. One of these journals references a neurologist and her study of the way Internet usage is changing the brain. I thought this was a very solid reference. My only suggestion would be to expand on how the study specifically relates to Carr’s article. Carr mentions the brain being re-mapped due to our constant use of technology many times, and the correlation between his conclusions and the neurologist’s work would be strong asset to swaying a neutral audience.

            Shastin is fair in her acknowledgement of the benefits of the Internet, although there may be some room for expansion. Most of the recognition is tied in to her original points. It may be more effective to separate them out into their own paragraphs and refute them, or agree with them, one by one. The defense of her points is a little lost in the combination of her paragraphs. Again, this could be easily clarified by separating the refutation from the main points.

            The only suggestion that I thought might be helpful is rearranging a couple of the paragraphs to keep a flow of logic. On the third page of the essay the first paragraph ends with the sentence “So once again, it could be said that maybe there are people who worry and obsess over the internet’s change in our brain functioning and yet again, the benefits may outweigh the cost.” That paragraph is then followed by two that refer to studies that indicate negative impacts of technology on our brains. I think that her point may come off more clearly if the first paragraph follows the two that include the studies.

            Overall I believe Shastin has great points to be made and that she can effectively do so with a few minor changes.